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No, I'm not asserting the team from Los Angeles is the best XI this side of a Eusebio through Zidane all-time cryogenic assembly. But I am curious: What instinctual synapse fires in the brain of every modern footballer when he hears "Real Madrid" and "might" or "could" and "sign" that makes him call his travel agent for the best deals on flights and a hotel in the Spanish capital?

One could argue that 9 (still hard to imagine) European Cups is a pretty big sell. 31 La Liga titles makes the trophy case sparkle, as well. And there's a managerial seat hotter than the seventh layer of ...Well, you get the idea, Real is big news, no matter where you're from...or from where you hail.

But with the dream of every red-blooded, above-average talent to move to Real, wouldn't there be a little backlash? Wouldn't someone, somewhere say, "Forget it. I'm staying at Besiktas, and we're winning the Champions League!" The latest in this series of seduced stars is Karim Benzema (don't even get me started on the well-groomed Portuguese lad pictured above). He's been a part of a Lyon side that's won a gajillion consecutive French titles, but he hasn't tasted European success. And with France going nowhere fast, what else is there for him to do? Move to Borussia Dortmund and fight to win over the German fans of the highly competitive Bundesliga? Immigrate to Serie A and become the next Maradona of Napoli? No, no, no. None of that is a challenge. He would simply be pulling a premature Roberto Carlos, vanishing into a high-paying oblivion.

But there's a solution! Sir Alex Ferguson at now-World-Champion (Yeah, I'm going to wear that out.) Manchester United has made it no secret Karim would make a great addition to a strike force that already turns back fours into back fives with a quickness. But in a barrage of uncertain terms, Karim's reply was (and this is a rough transposition), "Le meh." Nothing doing.

Behold! Here come Los Merengues! They will make him a Galactico! Champion of the entire Milky Way!...But would they really? Take a gander at the La Liga table. UEFA Cup football for Benzima? Surely he deserves more than the propositions of a club wafting more empty promises than an Avon dealer. And yet he is wooed, simply blushing that Madrid, in all of its good graces, watched a couple of highlight compilations on YouTube and said, "This guy will sell jerseys in France."

Despite this harsh criticism, this isn't meant to be a bashing of Madrid (or a glorification of United). The point is I just don't get it. Why would someone want to forsake his local hero status to face a system of constant rotation and scrutiny from a press that smothers every training session?

The only reasoning I can come up with would be (in our case) to return Los Blancos to their Di Stefano days. But Benzima/Ronaldo/Huntelaar isn't the man to do it. Since the turn of the century, all of Madrid's spending and courting and lying has only landed two Spanish and European titles. Yes they won four big trophies, but they should have won them ALL. With as much as we, as a football-loving public, have read and listened to their cat-and-mouse games, Madrid should have won everything. But with all of this under-achievement and failure to take care of its stockpile of talent (see Beckham, David), why is it still their name in bright lights?

This is my plea to footballers everywhere: Make a name for yourself in your homeland. Become the star of the Jupiler League. Take Malmo to the UEFA Cup final. And then move somewhere that will appreciate you. And I'm here to tell you right now, it isn't Real Madrid.